When I tell my story about discovering kink, I often focus on a few things: the Tumblr account I stumbled across and the questions that OKCupid used to ask you to fill in. The latter put me in the line of fire of a lot of Dominant men at a time when I had no real idea what that meant. Mistakes were made and, yes, by me. I learnt a lot too. I remain grateful for the support I received from friends and resources at the time. Recommendations at the bottom.
Reflecting on all of this now, as I start dating again, I’m reminded of something else I was doing at the time: watching seasons 1, 2,3 and 4 of Archer.
Archer, for the uninitiated, is a cartoon by cult studio Adult Swim. It evolved from Frisky Dingo (which is totally worth checking out) and became a huge hit. It ran to 14 (14!) seasons and continues to be popular though, arguably, it lost its edge in recent years. The last season was the final one. The main storylines are about the sexual and emotional exploits of the secret agent team of Archer, Lana, Cheryl, Pam and Cyril as well as Archer’s mother, Malory.
And those exploits are kinky as hell. Season 1 alone includes references to choking, anal, various sexual positions and impact play (table tennis anyone?)
I grew up with almost no access to (or interest in) porn. There were a few curious perusals of the Sunday Sport during my paper round as well an amused flicking through ‘For Women’ bought by my mum. So I was a little stunned when I watched this cartoon. The directness about sex, even in my mid 30s, was very new to me.
The directness was soon mirrored in my own life. I began dating within the context of a newly opened marriage in 2015 and was surprised to discover that people could be VERY direct about what they hoped would happen. Even more surprising: I liked that. A lot.
I think Archer normalised choking, rough sex, watching porn as a couple, anal sex, spanking as well as other restraint stuff. It just included it and talked about it as if it was the norm and, over the last 10-15 years, it has become the norm. Pornification of society? Some might say so. Other might say: an opening up of the range of physical experiences that can create pleasure and desire.
Of course, there is no denying the impact (ahem) of 50 Shades too. The first book was published in 2011 and pretty much everyone read (or watched) it. Including me. I even wrote about it here and Meg-John Barker has written their most popular pieces about it also here. But, Archer predates 50 Shades by a few years and, I think, because the writing is better and the visuals done so well (it’s also really funny), it has had as big a part to play in the mainstream-ing of kink as 50 Shades.
As ever, the opening up of ideas can also bring some issues. Many of us would be well served by being much better versed in some of the basics around consent, self-awareness and technique (there is no completely safe way to enjoy breath or impact play, for example, but there are ways that are safer). Always be risk aware, always discuss any play/acts like this well in advance and know what you are doing before you attempt anything.
What do you think? Did Archer broaden your horizons? Where and how did you discover what you were into kink-wise? I’d love to know 🙂
