All of us here are condemned to a dream of romantic love, even though no one I know loves in that way, or lives that kind of a life – Olga Kavn
This is the second of a few pieces on relationship possibilities. Part one is here.
Normative thinking tends to suggest that relationships:
Follow a set path of peak and then plateau
Involve increasing amounts of time together and then ALL of your time together
Should be static once they have hit the plateau
Have a ‘honeymoon’ and then fade to ‘comfortable’
Need monitoring and managing so that they remain the same
Are hierarchical with a romantic connection with a single other at the top and the rest beneath
Some questions to consider…
What if freedom felt like a gift not a curse?
How do you conceive of relationships in your mind?
What are the shapes and lines that define the different sorts of connections you have?
How would you interact with the people you care about if you’d never consumed a fairy tale or read a single article about the 3 date rule or anxious/avoidant attachment?
What would it mean to be attracted to someone if you knew that you never needed to fear the experience of rejection?
What types of connection and care could become possible if you made a decision to do things differently to how you have done them in the past?
If everything in nature ebbs and flows, shifts and changes, what does that say about love and relationships?
How do you talk about change in your relationships? How would you like to talk about?
Relationships can and should be a space full of freedom, growth and joy. Commit and create, yes. Build things together. And be flexible and welcome change. Relationship values can help – read more here.
You are the shoreline – ever changing, yet grounded. Let all feelings and experiences ebb and flow upon you like the tide.
My favourite piece of writing about relationships remains the Relationship Anarchy manifesto. Read it here.
